don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
