carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
