That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
