I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
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Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
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Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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