never play flip cup with pint glasses
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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