mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
This toilet bowl is my home.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
