Are we in a gay sports bar?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
