how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
