Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
