there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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