By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
