your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
