i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
