The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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