There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
