I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
