I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We just shotgunned beers for America
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!