I'm going to jail i love you
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She bit a glass in half.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
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