We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.