I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
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Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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