I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
