Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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