Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
