he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
