fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
