Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
