Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
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I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
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Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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