White coat. Heels.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
