let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
