so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
