What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
