So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
