Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
