Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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