I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
