Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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