I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Randomize
