Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize
