Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
