if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
