angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
