we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
