I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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