i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
