HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
