he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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