Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
