The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
