So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
