Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
