I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
