So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
