That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
