Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
