I'm gonna have a badass scar
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
