my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
