i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
