I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
