I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's official drugs can't kill me
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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