I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
