i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
MIDGETS
????
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
