Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize