I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
