I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize