its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
