ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
