my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
