The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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