Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
