My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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