I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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