apparently the secret to your success is patron
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
