shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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