just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
