Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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