I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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