When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
