sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
